Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Most Me

So, I started this blog ages ago (and by ages I mean about a month), and now I'm going to finish it with some minor changes, additions, and adjustments.

I had a realization earlier this summer, but first let me explain something.

I worked as the camp nurse at the summer camp where I've worked the past 7 summers. I love camp; it's one of my very favorite places on earth and will always have a special place in my heart. I'd never camp nursed before, but I loved it so much! TOkay, now for the realization. Before going to Guatemala, camp was always the place where I was able to be the most me. Something about the people and the atmosphere just let me open up and be completely me in a way that no other place would allow or nurture. That's probably one of the reasons why I love it so much, though I just realized this a couple of years ago. Initially I loved (and still love) camp because it combines three of my favorite things in the whole wide world: Jesus, kids, and running around outside. Then, last semester, I went to Guatemala, and it stole my heart. Camp felt different this year. Not bad different-- I still love camp and always will--just different, and hopefully this summer wasn't the end of my camp employment days. But I realized that last semester Guatemala became the place where I was the most me. Now I'm preparing for a month in Tanzania, and I'm so excited about it! But I'm also a little nervous that it's going to steal my heart like Guatemala did. Or, well, I was afraid of that. Now I've just come to terms with the fact that that's probably going to happen, and I'm ready for it. One of my friends described it as being the same as parents with their kids; when they have one and are about to have the second they wonder how they'll ever love another one the way they love the first one. But somehow they do; they find out that there's room in their heart to love not just one or two but innumerable people and places. I'm not being "disloyal" to Guatemala. And, I'm not expecting Tanzania to be Guatemala. In fact, I don't have expectations other than to be used and awed and poured out and broken and a blesser and blessed. I'm ready to go into this month able to give of all of me and ready to teach and be taught, serve and allow others to serve, too. I'm ready to join Tanzania for a month and let God do what He will. And it's going to be awesome.

Isaiah 6.

1 comment:

  1. Just go and be 100% the beautiful woman God made you--find out more who that is because I've seen the woman I know unfold petal by petal and what a glorious transformation--so let's see what color petal Tanzania will reveal, shall we? I love you, dear Sister, be careful, and kiss some African babies for me, o.k.? xo Jen