A Different Mexico*

Three years ago God did a miracle in me. Thankfully, He's not been lying dormant since then, but this particular miracle has really been on my mind the last couple of weeks. Three years ago God tore down walls I'd built up to keep Mexico out, and He filled me with love for this beautiful country and the amazing people who live there. So, when the opportunity came to go back, we went. This time I was able to go without any walls, prejudices, or snobberies (that last one is probably closest to the truth), and God showed me yet another view of His Mexico.

Our first stop was just across the border in Matamoros where we hung out with some awesome 11-17 year olds in an orphanage there. The different Mexico God showed me there was a Mexico who has a heart for the Nations. One girl, Luz, wants to be a missionary to India, so, for now, she gleans phrases in Hindi from movies and music and anywhere else she can find them. Another girl, Maria, wants to be a missionary to Africa. We had so much fun teaching these girls a few phrases in Swahili, and they had a blast running around asking their classmates, "Habari gani?"(how are you?). We had another glimpse of this missional Mexico at the end of our trip when we taught a missions class at a Bible School in Monterey. What perfect bookends! It was such an honor to encourage their desire to go!

We saw yet another Mexico when Kyle and I branched off for a night in Mexico City. We visited my host family from 2010, and we were humbled by the radical hospitality they showed us. Mom showered us with wedding gifts of pottery and pan dulce (sweet bread) and showed us so much love and welcoming despite the fact that we haven't seen each other in 3 years. We have a lot to learn about hospitality and loving people from our Mexico brothers and sisters.

Mexico shared her hurting side with us in Cuernavaca where just downhill from the House of Prayer we were able to see a section of town that some would try to hide. We didn't have opportunity to walk down to the valley...this time. We did, however, have the opportunity to hang out in the prayer room with the youth group and with the church that meets at the House of Prayer on Sundays. We were able to encourage them and share a small glimpse of what God sees when he sees them.

In Puebla, we saw another different Mexico, one where her Church is stepping out into leadership. The students at La Viña as well as the kids at Esperanza Viva are going to shake up the world. They are strong and brave and joyful, and I know they're going to turn the world upside down. They taught me motivation.

One last different Mexico was in the mountains of Oaxaca where we saw the Mexico from back in the day (and I finally had my desire to sleep in a mud hut satisfied!). El Refugio is a drug rehab compound. The founders, Jose and Ela, have been there for 19 years building this ministry. Ela shared many midwife stories (much to my delight) and gave everyone enough food for thought to last us until our next visit. Time here seemed to move slower, and life felt so peaceful. Our short visit to Oaxaca has given Kyle and me more to dream about, and I have little doubt that we'll visit again.

This seems like such a small tribute to our time in Mexico probably because there are even more "different Mexicos" than I've named here. There are countless more stories, people, places, and lessons to hear, meet, visit, and discover, but I guess they'll have to wait until next time.

Mexico, we'll be back

*This blog title was a phrase Scott stumbled upon as we traveled around Mexico and saw many varying landscapes, lifestyles, and ministry styles; the first time he said "a different Mexico" he also said that that would make a good blog title. So here you have a blog entitled "A Different Mexico." (Scott said I could use it.)

Jehovah Jireh

Sometimes I get worried. This is not new, but the most recent cause of my worry is a new one for me: dollars. Yes, I have at last given in to the pressures of the world and allowed myself to worry about money. Shame on me. The only worry I want to have in regards to money is this: that I should love it too much. If the love of money is the root of all evil I don't want to love it, right? Well, somewhere in switching from full-time to PRN, worry has crept in. It seemed so perfect, this new job. I was going to be doing women's health and high risk maternity. I was going to have the awesome privilege of taking care of women in order to give their little babies a better chance when they enter the world. And, I was going to be doing this at a hospital that is only 20 miles away as opposed to the 60 miles I was driving each way. What could be a more perfect job for me right now? And it started out so well! I was working full time hours and still had the freedom to say, "No, I can't work that day." while doing work that I love. (Hearing those persistent little heart beats and feeling those little kicks against their mama's belly still makes me a little emotional.) But, sometime around the holidays my hours started to drop off. "Hang in there," they said. "It's just because the holidays are so carefully scheduled," they said. But, the hours didn't pick up. I asked my manager about cross-training to some of the other units in my area but was told that there were too many holes on my current units to justify taking me away from them to cross train me. So, I kept at it; one week I worked exactly zero hours. Two weeks I only worked 12. One week I only worked 8. So, I talked to my manager again, and, for a few weeks, the hours picked up. But now they're dwindling again, and the worry has started to sneak its clammy little fingers back into my life. Until this morning when I read the following:

The wicked borrow and never repay, but the godly are generous givers. Those the Lord blesses will possess the land, but those He curses will die. The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread. The godly always give generous loans to others, and their children are a blessing. Turn from evil and do good, and you will live in the land forever. Psalms 37:21-27

Boom! That shook my world up a little this morning and made me realize that trap into which I was falling. Jehovah Jireh. The Lord provides. This isn't just some cute VBS song; it's one of God's names! It's part of who He is. He won't let us fall. My job is not our provider. My husband's job is not our provider. The Lord is our provider, and in that we have the freedom to answer when He calls. So, until I"m told otherwise, I'll keep loving my pregnant ladies because that's where God has me even if it's only 4 hours at a time. And we'll go to Mexico in a couple of weeks and love people there because that's what God has told us to do, and God will provide. And, when a need creeps up, we'll give however we can because God will provide. And, if I get more hours at work, I'll count it a blessing because God will provide. But, if I don't, I'll joyfully be here, making our home a happy, healthy one because God will provide.

We've been told that He's opening new doors in our lives, and we're starting to see what some of that is, and we're excited about it. I think it's time to take another leap of faith (or maybe a baby step) in which I stop leaning on my job to be our provider and start letting God take us in whatever direction He has in mind. After all, this is who we're following:        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvejyvnEidY

(Important note to Mom and potential reporters to Mom, I am NOT quitting my job, and neither is Kyle, so calm your fears. :))

A Big Year, Part 1

Somehow the New Year came and went without a blog post from me....

2013 seems like such a big number! And it's looking like this year could hold a lot for the Kyle Ledyards. We've now been married a little over 8 months, and it has been the best first 8 months of marriage a girl could ask for. It's so different from what I was expecting but so much better than what I was expecting that I don't even remember what I was expecting in the first place! I'm so blessed and excited to spend my life with the most wonderful man I know.

We have a lot of hopes and dreams and visions and plans for this year, and God just keeps growing those. Our prayer is always that He'll bring us closer to Him and to each other and that He'll use us to be a blessing to others where ever we are, but, as I've mentioned before, sometimes I have struggles with spending too much time in this lovely country of ours. Part of it is restlessness: I know that Kyle and I are supposed to go all over the world, so it's hard to stay here. I don't want to get so comfortable in our life here that we stop looking for opportunities to serve and love the abused and unloved all over the world and start looking for excuses to stay in our nice community. But part of it is also choosing to be blind to the fact that God can and does use us here, too. So, in the last year while we stayed in the United States, we've been doing our best to love the people around us and make the most of our time here. And it's been awesome. We've learned a lot and have a lot more to learn, and we're excited about this. But, it's also time for the restlessness to get a little attention.

Kyle and I have been invited to be part of a team going to Mexico in March! We'll be gone for about two weeks, and the trip will look a little something like this (as far as we know at this time--details are subject to change, but the stops are confirmed):

We'll be making stops in Monterrey, Mexico City, Cuernavaca, Puebla, and Oaxaca and will be hanging out with missionaries who are serving long-term in each of these locations as well as visiting a ministry base, a school of ministry, an orphanage, a house of prayer, and a drug rehab center. We would really appreciate your prayers as we go. If you would like to contribute financially to our trip, please contact us for those details as posting our address on a blog seems like a rather foolish thing to do. :)

We have many other plans and dreams for the year, as well, but this is the one that is currently taking up the most excitement in my life. I've already been listening to my Spanish music on the way to work and doing other little activities to brush up on my Spanish language; I've contacted my Mexico host family from 2010 and will hopefully be able to see them while we're in town; we're praying for guidance and provision and safety in this and are excited to see what happens.

Updates to come!

Mr Right

So, I started this blog while I was out of the country, and it was supposed to be a mission blog. It will be again some day, but, right now, HIPPA laws keep me from blogging much about my current mission. Therefore, today you get something else that's been on my heart lately. I remember in college when a lot of the females (and not too few of the males) had one major goal: finding Mr./Mrs. Right. I wouldn't have been opposed to such a thing, but, after the initial oh-my-goodness-there-are-more-than-8-guys-here-and-most-of-them-are-actually-nice reaction, I settled into my high school routine of studying more than was probably good for me and did my best to be content. Not to mention, I'd known for a long time that I was only going to date one man, and he would be my husband, so I was holding out for the best from the get-go. Four years later, I graduated college with a nursing degree, a Spanish minor, and a heart for the nations, but no man...and I was okay with that. I was ready to lose my heart to Central America, South America, Africa, India, and anywhere with a slum or an entire community of people living in the city dump. So, after graduating and procuring my nursing license, I took the step that made the most sense: I bought a plane ticket to Tanzania. And it did steal my heart...the thing is, so did Kyle. Fast forward to now when I've been back from Tanzania for nearly 2 years and married (to Kyle, obviously) for nearly seven months. And it's been the best seven months I could have ever imagined. He never lets me doubt that he loves me, and I do my best to make coming home after work the highlight of his day. Yesterday morning he made me breakfast in bed, and yesterday evening he took me to the farmers' market to buy our Christmas tree. I'm just so.... happy! My husband isn't my source of joy or happiness, but he certainly enriches my life. Loving and being loved by him has taught me so much about God's love and acceptance, and, I've realized at least a trillion different times these last seven months that, when I said that I was holding out for the best, that's exactly what God sent me. I know life won't always be easy, but I'm not afraid of anything when he's holding my hand because I know the Hand that is really holding us together, who orchestrated this thing from the beginning of time. So, when it seems like Mr. Right will never come along, and you're tempted to settle for Mr. Right Now...don't. Wait for the man who will bring you breakfast in bed, who is willing to drive you to work at 0600 in the morning because there's a crazy man with a knife in the parking garage, who lets you bring him breakfast in bed and makes a big deal out of it when you surprise him with cookies at work, who brags about you to his friends, who takes you to the mall even though you both hate shopping just because he wants you to try on a fancy dress for him (that you both know you'll never buy), who's willing to spend a Saturday night hanging out with your sisters, nieces, and nephews and who makes you a part of his family, too, who prays over you when you're sick and asks you to pray for him, too, who is honest and strong and courageous and Godly as well as incredibly handsome, and who is worthy of your best (after all, he's giving you his).

Needy

We've been married four months. Sometimes I'm amazed that it's only been four months....it feels like we've been married forever!! I can't sleep if he's not there, and I know that's not supposed to develop until you've been married at least 25 years. At the same time, I can't believe it's only been four months! It seems like it was just yesterday that I woke up at 5am wide awake and simply could not go back to sleep because I was too excited to marry the man of my dreams that afternoon. It's crazy how incredible marriage is. I'm completely convinced that my husband is the very best husband and the absolute most amazing person in the universe not to mention the most handsome, smartest, funniest, etc. :) And there is no one who will succeed in changing my mind about that. It's also crazy how hard marriage is. I know I've only been married 4 months, so what do I really know about anything, but the hardest lesson for me to learn so far is that we need each other, and it's okay. I never wanted to need anyone. I wanted to do it on my own and figure it out on my own. That way, if I failed, or if someone failed me, they wouldn't have enough power over me for it to hurt. It didn't take me long, however, to realize that God clearly made marriage to show us that we're supposed to need each other for the direct purpose of learning that, really, we just need God. It's scary needing someone and knowing that they need you, too. Needing people can result in a lot of hurt. That's where needing God comes in. No matter what people do, God is always perfectly there. We need Him. We can't do it without Him. And, for me, He's using how much I need my husband's love and attention and presence and just my husband in general to teach me how much more I need Him.

The Thing That Amazes Me Most

Now THAT was an amazing ten days.

We landed in Liberia, Costa Rica on January 5th and from there ventured to Playa Sámara where we spent a day and two nights playing, relaxing, and preparing (and, in Kyle's and my case, getting engaged!). And, crazily enough, the trip was already being met with some resistance. Jon's passport was going to expire in 2 months, so, while he was okay to take the domestic flight to Miami, they would not let him get on the international flight to Costa Rica. So, he got an extra day in Miami and a new passport and, thankfully, joined us the next evening. Meanwhile, our Nicaraguan friends were experiencing similar troubles at the Costa Rica/Nicaragua border. We'll just suffice it to say that we spent a couple days hanging out in Costa Rica con el Pastor Ilegal! Through all the checkpoints and then crossing back into Nicaragua, none of the border cops ever even noticed that one of the passports had not been stamped on the way out two days before. The Thing That Amazes Me Most? God's grace.

From Costa Rica we traveled to Nicaragua, experiencing only a few glitches (flat tires, night-time border crossings, and unpaved roads being relatively minor glitches in the grand scheme of things...and they make for great stories now!). We stayed a night with Pastor Victor Benitez before leaving early Sunday morning to visit a church in Los Límites. As it turned out, we were to be in charge of the entire service, so we jumped right in. After the service, we divided into teams of two and prayed for each person there which was very powerful. But, The Thing That Amazes Me Most was the opportunity I had after the prayer ministry. There was a group of 5-15 year olds sitting in a circle with one empty chair amongst them. I sat down and got to have a really fun conversation with those girls during which they told me their dreams and about their lives.

After church we headed to Darío where we went to another church service that evening at Rey de Reyes (King of Kings). Several of us shared brief messages and then did more prayer ministry. But, The Thing That Amazes Me Most was how one simple comment can make a little girl's day. I told one little girl that she was wearing a pretty dress, and we were best friends from that moment on. She showed me the pictures she had drawn during the service.

The next day we set out for Matagalpa. We dropped our stuff off at a hotel which is being run by a missionary family from the USA and then Bobby, one half of the missionary couple, took us on an adventure to visit a small village in the mountains. On the way to the village, we stopped at a home for young pregnant girls where I got to hang out with and pray for some new moms and coming babies. After a rather treacherous drive on muddy roads and a quick walk into the village we were greeted by a large guitar and a swarm of small children. Neither of the visits to these two places were nearly long enough, and, as we were leaving, one little girl yelled after me, "When are you coming back?!"; the team could've left me at either place, and I would've been delighted to catch babies or play with children in a mud hut for the rest of our time in Nicaragua. Needless to say, this was my favorite day, and the Thing That Amazes Me Most is how wonderful, made-to-order opportunities like this sometimes drop right onto our laps in the most unexpected ways and at the most unexpected times.

The Thing That Amazed Me Most on Tuesday was, once again, God's grace. We were tired when we went to the church that evening, so it was pretty great when the Lord took over and blessed us just as much as He used us to bless them.

Wednesday was travel day. We arrived at Piñas de Paz around 8:30 or 9 that night and ate dinner and just enjoyed the beauty of an almost full moon, tropical mountains, and millions of stars. Thursday kicked off the Youth Pastors' Retreat, and folks started showing up pretty early that morning. The event officially began with lunch, a silly relay-race (that left me sore for at least a day), and a tour of the farm. Over the course of the weekend we had 6 sessions, worship times, a bonfire, a jungle adventure to see monkeys, parrots, and a waterfall, and time for personal ministry. All of this was awesome, but, the Thing That Amazes Me Most was how, even in the midst of this busy schedule and larger group of people, I was able to make meaningful individual connections. People shared with me their stories and wanted to hear mine; they asked for advice and offered their own wisdom; we laughed, prayed, and sang together and became friends.

This was a short trip, but it was more than long enough for Nicaragua to steal a piece of my heart. Now I can't not return.

I Don't Have a Favorite Color

Nearly two years ago I embarked on an adventure that changed me and the steps that I've taken since and will continue to take. I went to Guatemala and learned to love it so much that, when I left there March 2010, I was entirely ready to re-pack my bags and commit my life to living in Guatemala fully living from my Chapina soul (Chapina is Guatemalan slang for someone who is Guatemalan). When I returned to the US I started looking for year-long opportunities that would allow me to live and work in Guatemala. Several options came up; they all fell through, but, even before they fell through, something told me that I was supposed to give Guatemala back her Maker and go to Africa. And I, characteristically, was super excited to go to a new place. Little did I know that I would lose my heart to Tanzania just as thoroughly as I had already lost it to Guatemala, that I would discover that my soul is at least bi-racial consisting of a Guatemalan portion and an Africa portion and who knows what else. Or that I would learn from the experience that maybe I'm not supposed to love just one place. Maybe it's okay that I can't pick a favorite color let alone one country to dedicate my life to. Maybe I'm supposed to go all over the place and love places and people and cultures and languages until my heart breaks. Maybe that's why I want to travel the world anyway!

Now I'm getting ready to go to Nicaragua for 10 days in January, and I'm fairly busting at the seams! I'm so blessed and excited for the opportunity to join a new place and to learn to love Nicaragua like I already love Guatemala and Mexico and Tanzania. Please pray as we go.